So, to continue, it doesn't have to be exactly on the 21st birthday, just anytime after that, and while she is still a young woman. Andile was explaining to me how often people wait so two sisters can have it together, making it more affordable for a family. This is how Andile had hers (she was 24 at the time) and how the one on Saturday was being done.
Saturday's event took place at a nearby township, which was quite lovely. Reminded me of a middle class American suburb in a lot of ways, cute little houses, a local school, people walking on the streets enjoying their Saturday, a nice little community. This is a nicer township, closer to a bigger city (Richards Bay), with paved roads and such, whereas the ones closer to Mtuba are a little more rundown. But, they were still faced with the challenges of township life, like no water, which can be difficult when you are hosting a party for hundreds of people. What makes it a nicer township is that they know when and why their water is off and have township representatives delivering water to them in the mean time. That does not happen in Mtuba, where it is much more mysterious and unclear with obvious political undertons (they don't know when the water will be off or on, no one really knows why, and some people have it while others don't.
The event started in the early afternoon at the local school where the "birthday" girls and their friends and girls from the community sang and danced in traditional Zulu garb, performing for the crowd.
Part of the tradition is for the girls and their closest friends to go out into the audience intermittently during the performance and present audience members with a traditional Zulu spear and a bow. You then accept the spear and return it to the girls with a gift of money that you pin to their heads (don't worry, they wear hair nets to facilitate this process). So, guess who gets picked out of the crowd less than five minutes after showing up? Yup, that's right: WHITE GIRL!!!!
It was actually pretty cool to go up. I did drag Andile and her friends with me. It was lovely, the crowd got a big kick out of it and cheered and whistled me on. Apparently the money is for the girls to do what they will, a gift to them as they enter womanhood.
The boys got a turn too.
As always, the singing and dancing was just incredible. I was totally mesmerized. I could of sat there all day just enjoying their rich culture. And thank you to Andile for taking all the pictures because I had too much pride to be that jackass white girl tourist taking pictures at the traditional ritual!
People started approaching me pretty quickly, mainly men. An older guy came by and was very excited I was there and enjoying myself and accepting of their culture. Another guy asked me if I was willing to join the line up. I regretfully declined being as I was not wearing the right bra nor was I willing to compete with those Zulu women's bare breasts. The older guy returned to let me know that his friend would like to propose, pointing out a paunchy middle aged man. In my head I was like, "Propose what?", but as I looked at everybody's silly smiles, it clicked, "Aaah, propose marriage." He laughed as he saw it come together on my face. We then had a joking back and forth. I told him "Depends on the lobola...", to which he asked if my parents were around to negotiate. We decided Andile would be my representative, who then proceeded to make jokes about how she was gonna sell me off for R 500. Thanks Andi. Way to look out for a girl. I also wanted to know if I was gonna be first or second wife. I wasn't gonna accept anything less than first, obvi. It was quite entertaining, but every once in awhile this guy would say something like, "No, but really, these men, they are the top of the community, most respected, principals, director of the municipality, you know? High up", giving me a look and nod like 'Seriously, you should consider this'. It was kind of hilarious, this go between of 'Haha so funny!... But, no, I'm serious.... But, just kidding!... But, seriously.' Like a 'this is serious if you want it to be serious, but I'm just going to make light of it and follow your lead'. For like half a second I was concerned I was actually going to have to formally turn this guy down.
After the performance, we paraded back to the house. I got swept up in the chanting and dancing and was "crowned" with a beaded ring they put around your neck. I was quite the crowd pleaser if I do say so myself. After my performance, I got another couple "Hey, are you free?"'s. I told the girls that this just happens when I start shaking my hips. It's inevitable. :)
After we arrived back at the house we hung out outside and drank and ate and listened to good music.
There was a big tent, but most people were hanging out by their cars, blasting music, kind of like a huge block party/tailgate. I got to meet a bunch of people, including one of the guests of honor.
At around 8 the DJ showed up. What what! Dance party! The older people had filtered out as the eating ended, and now it was mostly young people and drinking. It was funny, other than the men at the ritual, most of the other people I had met had been women, then all of a sudden, when the party changed gears, the men started approaching. They had been there the whole time, but had just kept their distance. I come to find out by the guys that started talking to me that apparently they were all scared, the lone white girl in the township (apparently I'm the first one they've ever seen come in there), what is she doing here? But sure enough, you get them a little liquored up and suddenly they have the balls to talk to you. And these boys were shameless. I got everything from "I've always wanted a white girlfriend" to "I want to spoil you. Can I spoil you? Please let me spoil you.". The best part of the latter line is
a) The deliverer's name was Innocent. No joke. Here's his card:
b) His friend outed him that he had just got married two weeks ago. And he was wearing his wedding ring, which he only tried to cover up when I pointed it out. Seriously?! Two weeks?! Jesus man. I told him to go home and spoil his wife, to which he replied "Nah, but at least take my card." Unbelievable.
I did meet some nice guys (from what I gathered) who were interesting to talk to and weren't all over me. So not all men are slimey. They probably all had girlfriends AND were semi-faithful (a rare combination and usually the qualifications for a good guy in this country) but fun to hang out with.
One of Andile's friends and I joined the dance party. It was a pretty packed dancefloor with minimal personal space. There was definitely a little bit of vying for who gets to dance with the white girl, which caused some chaos. I did a pretty good job of holding my own, all of course while Andile's friend kept a watchful eye on me. Some people insisted on having their picture taken while dancing with the white girl, both men and women. Some people just touched my hair. The shamelessness of the men continued on the dancefloor. The range of men that tried things was kind of hilarious, from skinny 15 year old boys to overweight 40 year old men. I did a pretty good job of getting down while fending off advances if I do say so myself. I just had a big smile on my face and kept laughing. At one point I looked up and there was an audience standing around the dancefloor watching/staring at me, which, in my opinion, proves they were impressed with my dancing, or at least having the guts to go out there and keep up with these guys. In a lot of ways it parallels the school incident my first week with the little boys, except these boys were grown men who had been drinking. What a difference a little time makes.
We left around 11:30 because a) I was exhausted by the long day of drinking and dancing and b) township life gets pretty sketchy pretty quick late at night. The entire day was amazing. I had so much fun and everybody was so welcoming. As much as I was an obvious outsider, they made me feel very comfortable and included. Everybody was always checking up on me. It was very sweet. One of my favorite quotes from the night was when one of Andile's friends would go to the bathroom, she would say: "I'll be black, stay white here". Watching out for me all while keeping it real making racial jokes. Good times. Thanks Sipiwe. Much love.
And I learned a lot about Zulu culture, new and old. The ritual was awesome and I told them I would prescribe to the see one, do one, teach one mantra when it came to the singing and dancing, so now I've seen one, next up: do one. It was also a good experience for me to be out on my own as a female, with other young females, no bodygaurds, white or black, official or unofficial, to protect me and scare people off. You know, you hear all about how the dynamic works, but there is something about experiencing it for yourself. As frustrating as it can be to deal with these situations, it's important for me to live as a local if I want to feel comfortable and belong. To handle some of the issues that these women handle everyday will hopefully allow me to relate somewhat and create a better solution. And, my oh my, does it provide perspective.
These people have this beautiful culture, which, in all honesty, makes me jealous, but they are also facing some major crises, such as HIV and rape, also closely tied to culture. Clearly there are some things that need to be reconciled in order to make real progress on these issues. Culture is so deeply ingrained, it's not an easy task. But it doesn't mean we don't give it a good old college try! More on that tomorrow...
